Part 1
“What are you looking so smug about Lucky?” asked
Katie.“I know something you don’t know”
Lucky singsonged
“Oh My God, you haven’t STILL got him up there have
you?” Katie gasped
Lucky nodded “And he hasn’t tried to get out for at
least an hour”
You’re gonna have to let him go soon Lucky, they’ll
be needing him to do promotional stuff for Losing Gemma.
Lucky frowned “Couldn’t he do it over the
phone…then he wouldn’t have to leave my
bedroom?”
Katie spluttered and spat wine all over the kitchen table.
“I thought the Scots could handle their drink”
Lucky reached for a towel and passed it to Katie.
"You haven’t …… touched him
….. have you Lucky?" “What? You mean
like…inappropriate touching? Or just stroking his hair and
holding his hand kind of touching?” Lucky said sheepishly
taking a big glug of wine.“Any kind of
touching Lucky?” Katie raised her voice and Lucky finished
off her glass.
“Nooooo
I just like to watch him. He’s so sweet when he’s
sleeping”
“He’s
sleeping??? Last time I was here all I could hear was him
whimpering” Katie tut tutted.
“Ah
well I sorted that problem out” Lucky was looking too pleased
with herself.
Katie
took the bottle of wine and made as if to drop it on the floor
“What did you do Lucky?”
“Sheesh
Katie, spoilsport, don’t waste good wine. Are you sure
you’re Scottish?”
Realising
that Katie was deadly serious Lucky decided to reveal all.
“If
I tell you, you must promise to keep it to yourself. It’s a
Welsh tradition, ancient in it’s origin, and has been passed
on from Mother to Daughter for centuries. Can I trust you
Katie?”
Katie sighed and brought out
the Rum…she sensed something stronger was needed!
“You
have to say it Katie, I cant tell you unless you make the promise”
“Ok
Lucky….I do hereby promise not to reveal any secrets you
tell me here today…and this had better not have anything to
do with sheep Lucky…or I’m leaving and
I’m taking Jonas with me.”
Lucky looked hurt “That was very harsh Katie….and
here I am about to impart to you information of such magnitude that
once heard will stand you in good stead for the remainder of your days.
You’ll
thank me one day.”
“Just get on with it Lucky…bloody
Welsh…you always take an hour to tell a two minute
story!”
"I shall ignore that seen as you’re drunk”
Katie rolled her eyes deciding to forgo the glass and drinking straight
from the bottle.! “Just get on with it Lucky”
“I sedated
him” Lucky seemed very proud of herself.
"YOU DID WHAT????" Katie couldn't believe what she was hearing
"And then I handcuffed him to the bed" Lucky smiled
“What is it with you
Welsh? You cant go round sedating men and handcuffing them to beds just
cos you fancy them” Katie really couldn’t believe
her ears.
"But Welsh women have been doing it for centuries, it’s the
only way they can keep their blokes out of the pub.” Lucky
thought Katie quite ungrateful.
"I
thought Jonas was in the launderette when you kidnapped him.”
"Yes but I could sense that he was thinking about going to the
pub.”
"Lucky there are laws against this sort of thing. He could have you
arrested.”
“Only if I let him leave” Lucky’s smile
was getting bigger “Another good reason for keeping him
here.”
"I want to see him Lucky…right this minute.”
"I knew you’d come round” Lucky smiled.
“We can take the booze up with us.” The sedative
shouldn’t wear off for another couple of hours.
You’re gonna love the way he smiles in his sleep.”
Katie placed her head in her hands. “I don’t want
to watch him sleeping Lucky, I want to check that he’s
ok.” She resisted the urge to smack Lucky round the head with
the bacardi bottle!
Lucky reluctantly led Katie up the stairs. Katie had to grapple with
her before she’d open the door but finally she was in.
There lay Jonas looking very peaceful. Katie quickly checked his pulse
and breathed a sigh of relief. He was still alive! And he did look very
sweet, quite adorable in fact. He wouldn’t mind if she just
moved that handful of hair out of his eyes and just gave his cheek a
little stroke.
Lucky slapped her hand away. “Isn’t that
inappropriate touching?”
"I need a drink, how are we going to explain this away. When is he due
to wake up?” Katie knew she’d have to think fast on
this one.
"Errrrrr well…. all that stage combat he did at RADA seems
to have paid off. I had to give him quite a bit to keep him
still.”
"Lucky, how much did you give him?”
“Hey, don’t blame me, he struggles too
much” Lucky tried to remember how much sedative
she’d given him.
They sat on the bed, Jonas peacefully sleeping between them. "I suppose
we could take him outside then bring him back in again and pretend that
we found him lying out there in the road.” suggested Katie
“hmmm but he’ll still recognise me from the
launderette.” Lucky shook her head
“But he hasn’t seen me yet…not when
he’s been fully alert and in charge of his faculties
anyway” Katie made a mental note to herself that when this
was all over she would have Lucky committed!
"Ahhhh well, here’s the rub, he may have seen you…
see for the first hour or two I showed him some pictures and told him
how we were his greatest fans. He was so overcome that he even cried. I
let him dry his eyes with my T-Shirt…while I was still
wearing it of course!!!”
Just when Katie didn’t think it could get any worse.
“He’ll think we’re stalkers Lucky, like
in that Eminem song Stan.”
“But my name isn’t Stan…and neither is
yours unless there’s something you’re not telling
me Katie????” giggled Lucky
Unfortunately Lucky’s raucous laughter woke the sleeping
Jonas who now found not just one mad women staring down at him but two!
Jonas tried to stay calm, he knew the crime rates were soaring but he
had no idea that this kind of thing could happen in broad daylight.
“Please girls, we can sort this out. Take my wallet. If
there’s not enough I can get some more. Please just take the
handcuffs off and I’ll leave. I wont tell anyone, I
promise”
Lucky studied the pleading Jonas carefully “I think
you’re lying, Armstrong. You just lie there quietly while me
and Katie decide how we’re going to convince you that this is
all quite innocent.
Jonas couldn’t believe what he was hearing
“Innocent??? I was minding my own business washing my smalls.
I was even kind enough to give you change for the tumble drier. Before
I had chance to unload my machine....and believe me by now someone will
have emptied it and they’ll be wearing my boxers….
you clubbed me round the back of the head……. make
me look through your holiday photos for an eternity….. and I
don’t even want to think about why there were so many
pictures of sheep…… then you handcuffed me to a
bed……. spiked my drink and made me hold your hand
til I fell asleep. Jesus Christ…I’m waiting for
you to hobble me any minute. You make Kathy Bates look like
Mother Teresa.”
Lucky’s eyes welled up. “You make it sound so
…”
“Insane? Criminal?
Weird? Jonas shouted.
“All of those things and more” Katie had kept quiet
up until this point. “We are so sorry for this little
misunderstanding Jonas. You see Lucky and I both run fansites on the
Internet in your honour. Lucky just got a little carried away. Can we
just forget about this little incident and ….”
"Lucky, are you wearing my bloody boxer shorts ????” Jonas
interrupted her.
"Nooooooo they’re mine.” Lucky replied pouring
herself another drink.
She offered one
to Jonas who shook his head in disbelief. “Last time I
accepted a drink from you I didn’t wake up for three
hours!”
Katie continued with her explanation which took a little longer than
she’d anticipated due to time spent trying to stop Lucky
blowing Jonas kisses. By the time she’d finished Jonas seemed
a lot calmer, he was even allowing Lucky to hold his hand although the
handcuffs might have prevented him from stopping her.
“Is it safe for us to remove the handcuffs now
Jonas?” Katie asked. “You do understand that
we’re not really stalkers and that we mean you no
harm?”
Jonas reluctantly nodded. His
agent had warned him that some of his fans could get a bit
over-zealous. But he’d not mentioned that some of them might
be in need of strait jackets.
“Lucky hand me the keys” Katie looked menacingly at
Lucky, fearing that she would ruin everything at the last minute.
“Pah, haven’t you ever seen Braveheart?
Where’s your nerve? Good job Mel Gibson didn’t need
to call on you in an emergency!” Lucky handed over the keys.
“You do realise that Mel Gibson isn’t actually
Scottish, don’t you Lucky? He was playing the part of Robert
D’Bruce a Scottish folk hero” Sometimes Lucky
really worried Katie…who was she kidding…Lucky
worried her all the time!
Jonas rubbed his wrists and climbed off the bed. He closed his eyes and
looked heavenward as if asking a higher power what he should do with
them The girls were sat on the bed, heads bowed, nervously awaiting
their punishment. Every now and again Lucky did try to look up and blow
him a kiss but Katie stabbed her with a pencil as a deterrent.
Jonas began to speak very calmly and quietly mainly out of fear that
he‘d get them over-excited again. “I suppose in
time … a very long time…. I might come to laugh
about this. And you didn’t actually cause me any physical
harm … and most importantly you let me go ready for the
Losing Gemma promotional stuff.
"Told you so” whispered Katie who then recoiled as Lucky
stabbed her with the pencil.
Jonas snatched the pencil away. “Stop that, all pencils are
now confiscated”
Lucky swooned and fell off the bed
“You’re thinking about me in Teachers
aren’t you Lucky” Jonas slowly shook his head in
disbelief.
“We cant help it
Jonas” said Katie. When we think about Teachers, or Robin
Hood, or Ghost squad…we come over all unnecessary. Lucky
actually starts to see you in slow motion. It takes a stun gun to bring
her out of it.”
“I guess I should just be grateful that you’re in
charge of the stun gun Katie.”
“Oh I have one too” said Lucky. I was keeping it
for emergencies…I thought I might have to use it on
Katie.”
“Okay well I guess that’s my queue to
leave” Jonas started walking very quickly down the stairs
with Katie and Lucky hot on his tail.
“So we’re agreed then… this was just a
little misunderstanding” Katie smiled hopefully.
“There’ll be no need to inform the police or to
consult solicitors thus engaging in a lengthy and expensive legal
process.”
Jonas grinned “I wont be involving the police, A part of me
actually admires your daring. Plus I’ve thought of a way you
can re-pay your debt to society, so to speak.”
Not liking the sound of this, Katie and Lucky began to make their way
back up the stairs.
"Oh no you don’t girls,
you’re coming with
me….I’m going to enjoy this.” Jonas led
them out of the house only allowing Lucky to reach back in and grab the
bottle of Rum from the hall.
Lucky surveyed the baskets of laundry. “I think
we’re doing his mates laundry as well”
"I think we’re doing the whole cast of Robin Hood’s
laundry. The mess you get me into Lucky” Katie snapped as she
looked about for a pencil.
“My Granny would be ashamed of me, doing a mans laundry for
him. She’ll be up there now wagging her finger at
me” Lucky wailed.
“Hah, isn’t there some centuries old Welsh
tradition for making men do their own laundry?” Katie said
rather sarcastically.
"Well actually … if you know where we can lay our hands on a
newts eye……”
Katie found the pencil…
PART 2
Katie, how long you do you think Jonas can keep this up?
“Well you heard his solicitor. If the police were involved,
kidnapping carries a minimum 15 year sentence. And then there were
those other charges…”
Lucky threw her hands up in the air “One measly little
abduction and a girl is tarred for life!”
"Well there were those other charges as well…..”
Katie added
“Alright, enough already, I heard you the first time. And as
I explained to the solicitor the pole was for my own personal
use”
"And the state of the art recording equipment?” Katie raised
an eyebrow.
“AGAIN … for my own personal use”
"So you weren’t planning on forcing Jonas to pole dance with
a view to recording it and with intent to supply said video to every
member of the JAF forum?”
“I wouldn’t have charged them” Lucky
suppressed a giggle which didn’t last long as she fully
realised the implications of their fate “He owns us for the
next 20 years, doesn’t he!”
“Yep, but hey you were trying to do a good thing,
You’d have guaranteed everyone a good Christmas”
Katie desperately tried to perk Lucky up.
"But Katie, I’ll be in my 50’s still walking his
dogs”
“I don’t think they were his dogs, I think he hired
us out to the neighbours.” Katie thought Jonas very
enterprising if not a little evil!
“He’ll have to run out of ideas soon.
We’ve done the laundry, walked the dogs, cleaned his
house…”
"Cleaned his friends and families houses….” Katie
added
"We’ve decorated his house” "And decorated his
friends and families houses” Katie added
"We’ve cleaned his car....
"And we’ve cleaned his....
Lucky cut her off “Enough, it’s just too
depressing. Six months of drudgery. I’ve paid my debt to
society. I don’t even fancy him anymore.
"Are you sure?” Katie asked smirking
"Yes, quite sure thanks”
"“Then why do you still keep a picture of him inside your
bra?”
Lucky gave her an I know where
you live and I’m gonna have five million pizzas delivered to
your house in one night kind of glare! “Okay then, I still
fancy him, but if he ever makes us stand on Speakers Corner again
wearing England shirts and publicly declaring that we hope England beat
Wales and Scotland in every major sporting event for the next
decade…I’m turning myself in”
Katie grimaced “I’m with you on that one. I
couldn’t look my family in the eye for months”
“I couldn’t literally” Lucky replied.
“I’ve been banned from Wales. My photo and video
evidence has been circulated to every railway worker, severn bridge
toll operator and airline worker in Wales.”
"Video evidence” gasped Katie
"He filmed us and sent it to BBC Wales. I had hate mail from Huw
Edwards”
“Ouch” Katie sympathised “If
it’s any consolation, I got slapped round the face by
Lulu.”
Lucky smiled
“Strangely enough, it is.”
Katie’s laptop
peeped into life. “That’ll be Jonas now Lucky,
switch the web cam on”
Jonas’ image
flickered onto the screen “Hello ladies, why’s the
picture distorted?" Jonas sighed "Is Lucky licking the screen
again?”
Lucky quickly put her tongue
back in her mouth, sometimes she didn’t even realise she was
doing it.
“Lucky, you do
realise I can see you? Just like you can see me?" Jonas asked
“Doh…yes
of course I realise Jonas”
“So why have you got
a picture of me down your bra?”
Lucky removed the picture and
threw it at Katie “It’s hers, I was just keeping it
warm for her”
Katie was indignant
“It’s so not mine, it’s hers”
Jonas smiled again
“So, Katie, are you still keeping a photo of me down your
kni..
“Knickers”
shouted Lucky triumphantly
“Well yes”
said Jonas
“Not her
knickers…Mine….I can finally take off your
boxers.”
“Lucky are you still
wearing my boxers? It’s been six months…”
“Enough”
Katie interrupted. Experience told her that this could go on for hours.
When the Welsh and Irish started arguing it never made sense and always
ended in hangovers all round. “Jonas, what would you like us
to do for you this time?”
“And why are we on a boat? I get seasick” Lucky was
looking a little green!
“I know you do
Lucky” laughed Jonas
“You’re an
evil man, Armstrong”
“Be careful there
Lucky, mind what you say, I can still get you and Katie in the
Millennium Stadium. Picture the scene…Wales v Scotland, a
full stadium packed to the rafters. You and Katie stood on a podium in
your England shirts…”Jonas didn’t think
he’d ever be able to get the smile off his face.
“OKAY”
Katie and Lucky screamed in unison.
“Good, now we can get started. I think you’re both
ready for a challenge.” Jonas was rubbing his hands together
which was never a good sign. Last time he’d looked this happy
was after he’d made them do karaoke dressed as Kangaroos.
He’d even made them do a Rolf Harris number..”Tie
me kangaroo down sport…Tie me kangaroo down..”
Katie realised she was singing out loud. She and Lucky both shuddered
at the memory.
Jonas continued. “You’ll be docking in France
within the hour. I’ll email you with details of which hotel
Spielberg is staying in.”
Katie butted in. “STEPHEN Spielberg?”
“ET
Spielberg?” Lucky added
“Correct”
Jonas answered. “He’s casting for a new film and
you two lovely ladies are going to persuade him to give me the lead
role.”
“What’s
the film about?”
“It’s a
love story” Jonas smiled in reply. “The female lead
has already been cast…Scarlet Johannsen.”
"A single tear ran down
Lucky’s cheek. “So you want us to persuade Stephen
“ET” Spielberg to cast you in the lead role of a
Hollywood blockbuster starring opposite the very beautiful and very
young Scarlet Johannsen?”
“Retake after
Retake” Katie found herself talking out loud.
Lucky crumpled to the floor,
Katie managed to pull her up “We can do this Lucky”
Lucky tried to grab her
picture back but Katie was ready for her. They grappled, punches were
thrown, Katie was just about to throttle Lucky with the telephone lead
when Jonas said goodbye.
“Much as
I’d love to stick around and watch two grown women wrestle, I
have to go. Let me know how you get on girls.”
“But what if we cant
do it” Lucky croaked. This was due to Katie’s
tightening grip on the telephone lead.
Katie
was almost too afraid to ask “What if we fail?”
Jonas smiled, a smile which in
normal circumstances would melt your heart, but which in this instance
sent a cold shiver down both their spines. “Let’s
just say there wont be much of a welcome in the hillsides and Lulu is
still pissed off.”
They could hear him laughing
long after the connection was severed.
“I’d
rather go to prison” Lucky said defiantly
“I miss walking the
dogs” Katie sighed. “Come on Lucky, we need to
formulate a plan, we may as well do it over a few drinks.”
“Any
excuse” thought Lucky!
After a few drinks they were
still no nearer to forming a plan of any kind but they were very close
to being bladdered! The tinkering of piano keys drew their attention. A
blonde was on stage.
“Oh my God, is that who I think it is?
“Damn
right Katie, this is incredible”
“You
know what we have to do Lucky?”
“Throw
her overboard?”
“Nooooo
Lucky…”
“Kill
her and hide her body in the ….”
“Noooooooooooooooo
Lucky”
“Well
can we at least slap her around a bit?”
“Lucky,
think England shirts and the Millennium Stadium”
“Excuse
me but is that a Scottish accent by any chance?” It was
Scarlet Johannsen and she’d actually approached them. This
was going to be easier than they’d thought, Lucky smiled to
herself.
“Can we buy you a
drink Miss Johannsen? Katie asked.
“Sure, I’d
love one” Scarlet answered.
“Lucky take Scarlet
to a table and I’ll get the drinks in.”
As Lucky and Scarlet were
taking their seats, they could hear Katie shouting something from the
bar.
“What’s
your friend saying” Scarlet asked Lucky
“No idea, every time
she opens her mouth all I hear is och aye de noo”
Scarlet gave a shocked laugh
“She’s not
really Scottish” Lucky added “She comes from
Leeds”
Katie returned with the drinks
“I did ask if you wanted ice but you ignored me
Lucky”
Lucky turned to Scarlet and
shook her head “See, cant understand a word”
Katie whacked Lucky round the
head with her handbag “ICE……
NOW!”
As soon as Lucky was out of
earshot Katie leant closer to Scarlet “You mustn’t
believe a word she says. She’s Welsh, born liars the lot of
them. Her names not even Lucky, it’s Mildred.”
Scarlet laughed again
“You two are really weird but I kind of like it.”
Lucky returned with the ice
bucket, placed two cubes very carefully in Scarlet’s drink
and then proceeded to pour the rest down Katie’s top. A
vigilant bar worker collecting glasses nearby managed to stop her much
to Katie’s relief.
“Scarlet,
we’re so glad to have bumped into you. We had planned on
visiting you at the hotel…”
“Katie, how do you
know where I’m staying? Christ, you’re not stalkers
are you, I prefer mine hairier and with big w…”
“Wallets,
I’m sure” Katie spluttered.
“Please let me smack
her around a bit?” Lucky mumbled “I wont leave any
visible marks”
Katie ignored her
“No it’s
nothing like that Scarlet, we have a friend who would really love to be
in your new film.”
“Well I can always speak to the director and maybe get your
friend a part in one of the crowd scenes” Scarlet offered.
Katie sighed, Lucky beamed
with delight.
“He was actually
hoping for a slightly bigger part”
Lucky sniggered, earning
herself another smack round the head from Katie.
“How big
exactly” Scarlet found this getting stranger by the minute
and she was getting peckish, it was time for her dinner and
she’d been looking forward to those two slices of cucumber
all day.
Lucky took over “He
wants the lead role so he can snog you and possibly s
……”
“Show Mr Spielberg
how good an actor he is” Katie hastily interrupted
“Guys, I just
don’t know. Jude and Ewan are both up for the role.
There’s stiff competition for this part. Just how good is
this friend of yours?”
Katie was glaring at Lucky
again, if she sniggered one more time, the thumb screws were coming out.
“He’s not
our friend, he’s our master. We are slaves to him”
Lucky informed Scarlet. And with that she began to tell her the whole
sorry saga from beginning to end, leaving nothing out, even admitting
to her intent of supplying the forum with video footage of Jonas pole
dancing. Katie wrote this down in her notebook, she just needed Lucky
to sign it later and she could hold it over her head forever more.
Scarlet sighed and cried, she laughed and gasped. When Lucky was
finally finished, she and Katie crossed their fingers and hoped.
“How can I say no? I
have to save you from this guys twisted, warped mind. And another thing
there’ll be no love scenes, I’m demanding a body
double.” Scarlet shouted.
Katie and Lucky were beside
themselves with joy.
Scarlet was getting up to leave “I’ll call Stephen
now, tell your friend the parts his. I’ll need a photo, do
you have one?”
“As it happens I
do” Lucky pulled the photo out from her bra.
Scarlet took the photo and
then fell sideways back on to her chair.
“Are you ok
Scarlet?” asked a concerned Katie
“You
didn’t mention how good looking he was?” Scarlet
muttered fanning herself. “Jeez, I’d do his laundry
and walk his dogs and … "
Lucky banged her head on the
table repeatedly.
“I’m sorry
girls, but I don’t think I’ll be asking for that
body double after all” and with that Scarlet ran out of the
bar clutching Jonas’ picture close to her chest.
“What a bitch” Katie said
“Too
right” Lucky agreed “I’m glad I loaded
her rum with ex-lax now”
“She
wasn’t drinking rum, I was.
LUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Part 3
“Wake up Lucky….you’re bloody snoring
again…and you’re talking about Jonas in your
sleep” Katie shoved Lucky off the bed laughing as she landed
in a huge pile of laundry.
Lucky yawned “I was
having the strangest dream…Jonas had us doing all his
chores….and at one point we were dressed as
Kangaroos…. then he started to kiss me and it was so
lovely”
Katie was not amused.
“Number 1..he was not kissing you….his dog was
licking your face…..
Number 2.…you are not dreaming, we have been doing his
chores for over 18 months now and
Number 3 we still have the Kangaroo costumes in the
wardrobe…Do I have to give you a Number 4????”
Lucky gazed over at the
spaniel shaking it’s tail eager to go for a walk and keen to
embarrass Lucky further by using next doors rose bushes as his own
personal toilet. It was Jonas’ dog alright..pure evil but,
so, so cute! “So it was just a dream then”
Katie tutted, she’d
been doing that a lot lately, ever since Lucky had landed on her
doorstep after that unfortunate incident in the Armstrong Arms.
“You’ve
been ever so mean to me since you invited me to move in,
Katie” Lucky looked on the verge of tears.
“Number 1...I
didn’t ask you to move in…
Number 2..it’s your own fault your husband kicked you out and
Number 3...do I really need to give you a Number 3????”
“I’m sorry
Katie, I really am. I don’t know how everything could have
gone so badly wrong”
Katie stopped folding the
laundry and folded her arms instead. It was a menacing stance and one
that Lucky had been seeing a lot of lately.
“hmmmmm
let’s see shall we…all was ok with the
world…Jonas was happy…he’d finished his
movie…got to work with the likes of Spielberg and Scarlet
Johannsen….he’d forgiven us for YOUR misdemeanours
and we’d not had to do his laundry or anything else for six
months. Infact so happy is he that he agrees to meet every member of
the JAF forum, not only meet them, but give each one of them a kiss.
And he does…every one of the members on the forum
gets to meet him and gets a peck on the cheek. But when he gets to
you..for some inexplicable reason….you decide to slip him
the tongue!
Lucky had been sinking lower
and lower into her chair, mainly to avoid the tea towel Katie was
hitting her with.
“In my defence, how
was I to know that he only meant a peck on the cheek?”
Katie picked up a bath towel
“You could have read the agreement he made us sign beforehand
which clearly stated that there was to be no inappropriate touching and
absolutely NO tongues.”
By this point Lucky was on the floor having been hit a good un by
Katie’s bath towel. Lucky pondered on whether in a previous
life Katie had been a dominatrix or perhaps worked in the circus as a
lion tamer. She certainly wielded that towel like a whip.
“Are you even
listening to me Lucky” Katie was at her wits end.
“The Welsh
don’t read small print, Katie, it’s a well known
fact, that’s how come the Severn Bridge got built”
“And how Vinnie
Jones ended up playing for Wales” Katie chuckled.
Lucky grimaced!
Katie was resigned to their
fate “C’mon Lucky, there’s another 50
loads of laundry to do and Little Lucky needs walking.”
“I still cant
believe the little git named his dog after me”
“At least
it’s a cute dog, I managed to dissuade him from buying the
pug” Katie recalled how difficult that had been.
“Is he still very
mad at me?” Lucky asked
Katie took Lucky’s
hand relieved that she at last seemed to be taking the rift seriously.
“I spoke with him yesterday and he’s calmed down a
lot. I think if you were to apologise again, he’d let you go
home”
“Let me go
home?”
“Yes Lucky, your
husband might let you go home.”
“Sod my husband, I
meant is Jonas still mad at me?”
Katie gave up, it was no use,
she could foresee them still living together in thirty years
time..probably still doing Jonas’ laundry.
“Quick Lucky, down
to the basement” Katie shooed Lucky out of the room.
“Jonas is on his way up”
“I don’t
want to go down there again Katie, please cant I just stay in the
bedroom or even in the closet” Lucky pleaded
“I’m sorry
Lucky, if it was up to me I’d let you stay here but
it’s Jonas’ call. He just cant bear to see your
face.” Katie passed Lucky a tissue before pushing her down
the stairs.
The basement was dark and
smelt of rubber. I dread to think what Katie does down here thought
Lucky shuddering at the possibilities. Spying a rat Lucky leapt onto
the nearest chair. Sod this for a game of toy soldiers she shouted at
the rat, I’m going upstairs. She strode into the room with
her head held high defiantly staring Jonas in the eye. “I
don’t care what you say, I’m not staying in that
bloody basement for another minute.”
“What are you on
about Lucky? I don’t want you stuck in the basement, Katie
told me you were on holiday. I thought you’d been gone a long
time.” Katie looked at her toes, up at the ceiling, anywhere
but at Lucky.
“Katie? Do you mind
explaining why you’ve been hiding me in a rat infested
basement every time Jonas has visited for the last three
months?”
Katie mused, then she
pondered, then she offered to make tea, then she put her hands on her
hips and stared back at them.
When an explanation
wasn’t forthcoming Lucky leapt onto another chair (being
circus freak short, this was her only way of looking Katie in the eye).
Katie flung her tea towel down
and rolled up her sleeves. “C’mon then you wee
wicked Welsh witch!!”
Lucky
gasped “You
Scot….Scott…Scotti….Scottish
……. Ish….. For once in Luckys life
words failed her.
“Developed a bit of
a stutter there have we, my little Welsh weeble!!” Katie was
on a roll.
Even Jonas gasped at that one!
“She, she, she,
listens to Sheena Easton” was all Lucky could manage as a
retort but she did it
with considerable aplomb.
She could tell Jonas was
impressed. Especially when he grabbed them both and held them close,
one either side of his chest. “Girls I’m really not
feeling the love in this room”
He held them tighter as they
tried to struggle free in preparation for knocking seven shades of shit
out of each other. Planting a kiss tenderly on each of their heads
Jonas squeezed them tighter.
“Katie, I think
he’s been drinking!”
“I think
he’s been smoking something!” Katie whispered back
“Lets make him do
one of those home drug tests?” Lucky suggested
“I’m not
asking Jonas to pee in a cup” Katie looked horrified
“Not one of
those.” Lucky said before looking up at Jonas
“Jonas, do you think
England will ever produce a Wimbledon Champion?”
Jonas smiled, a smile normally
only seen on the faces of those involved with a cult such as the
Moonies or housewives who shopped at Waitrose “Of course I do
Lucky, infact I’m sure of it”
He’s
shit-faced” Lucky declared!
Katie had to agree.
“We should get him some coffee …”
“Or put him in a
cold shower..I’ll undress him…” Lucky
offered
Katie managed to free a finger
and poked Lucky in the eye.
Even with only having the use
of one eye Lucky was still able to help Katie move Jonas toward the
sofa where they deposited him and slowly backed away. He was still
smiling, almost in a trance. The girls had seen that look somewhere
before.
Jonas turned to face them
still smiling, “Girls, I wanted you to be the first to know.
I AM IN LOVE” he screeched.
“I knew
I’d seen that look somewhere before” Lucky
screeched even louder pointing her finger and bouncing up and down.
“I see that look on the JAF forum every day!!!”
“I need a sit
down” said Katie
“I knew
you’d be happy for me girls.” Jonas was saying but
Katie and Lucky could barely hear him for the sound of their hearts
crying. They held each others hands for comfort.
“I’m sorry
I stabbed you in the eye with my finger” Katie sobbed
“And I’m
sorry I cleaned the toilet with your toothbrush” Lucky wailed
"You what???" Katie was about
to poke her finger in Luckys other eye when Jonas dragged them apart
again.
“I cant believe
you’re crying. I knew you’d be happy for me, but I
didn’t realise you’d be this happy.” He
held them close to him again.
“We’re so
happy for you Jonas” Katie forced herself to say through the
sobs.
Lucky was being smothered by
Jonas’s armpit but she still managed to mumble “How
could you, you bas***d” Jonas seemed oblivious to it all.
“Who is she?” whimpered Lucky
“It’s
Lucy….you know….Marian” Jonas beamed
Katie let out a mournful wail
…just for a second she’d consoled herself with the
thought he might say Much!
“I kissed her last
week…it was the most wonderful experience of my
life” Jonas was still beaming “We were rehearsing a
scene and I just went for it”
Lucky whimpered some
more…Little Lucky joined her. “But there are no
kissing scenes in the script for this season.”
Katie nodded in agreement
“Lucky’s very persuasive…she had a chat
with Dominic and Foz and they agreed not to have any kissing scenes
until at least series 5”
“It wasn’t
in the script girls….I was just overcome with the urge to
kiss her….so I did…and she kissed me
back.” Lucky tried to throw herself out the window,
fortunately Jonas’
ankle which she’d been holding on too throughout the
conversation, pulled her back in time.
“Lucky what is the
matter with you? I thought you’d be happy for me?”
Jonas ruffled Lucky’s hair and handed her a treat then did
the same for Little Lucky who was decidedly unhappy at the news she was
about to get a new mistress! “You will both love Lucy,
she’s wonderful. I’ve invited her round so you can
get to know her.”
A maniacal grin spread across
Katie’s face “That would be perfect Jonas, I shall
rustle up some haggis.”
“If you must” Lucky and Jonas both grimaced!
“I can hear a
car…that’ll be her now. Now I want you both on
your best behaviour.” He stared at them with
a Don’t make me spank you look.
“Do you mind if we ask her some questions, we’d
like to know that she’s good enough for you Jonas? And it
would be nice to get to know her better.” Katie smiled
sweetly.
Lucky knew there was something
rotten in Edinburgh!!
“Course you can
Katie, I’m sure she wants to get to know the two of you as
well.” Jonas ran to let Lucy in.
“Jonas, to quote
Little John “THIS I DO NOT LIKE” Lucy was most
disturbed at being forced to visit Lucky and Katie.
“Oh don’t
you start too, Lucy. They really want to meet you, Katie’s
cooking and everything. Please make an effort for me?”
“But I’ve heard they’re psychotic. What
Lucky did to Dominic and Foz was pure evil!”
“huh???? I dunno
what you’re talking about Lucy. They’ve calmed down
a lot since the early days. They’re sweethearts,
honest”
How could anyone resist those
eyes thought Lucy. She resigned herself to her fate and followed Jonas
into the house. “Lucky…Katie…I want you
to meet Lucy” Jonas introduced them.
Lucky swayed slightly, Katie
didn’t like this at all. “Pull yourself together
Lucky”
“But her eyes,
they’re so beautiful, they’re almost as hypnotic as
Jonas’. She’s even prettier in real life”
Lucky was beginning to swoon.
Katie knew she had to snap her
out of it and fast. “Yes but if they’re in love
they wont be able to work together..these things always cause problems.
They’ll split up and that will be the end of Robin Hood.
Think of all those Hungarian stuntmen in the dole queue.
Don’t be selfish Lucky, think of others”
“You’re
right” Lucky snapped back to reality. “You distract
her and I’ll shove her out the window.”
“Noooooooo you
muppet! Just follow my lead” Katie had a plan
“It’s so
lovely to meet you Lucy, Jonas has told us absolutely nothing about
you, but it’s still good to meet you.” Katie gushed
as she shook Lucy’s hand.
“So much laundry..do
you have a large family Katie?” Lucy enquired
“It’s my
laundry” smiled Jonas. “These girls really take
care of me”
Little
Lucky growled. “Oh what a beautiful little dog”
Lucy exclaimed. “What’s her name?”
“She’s
called Little Lucky” Jonas proudly declared as he ruffled
Little Luckys ears. Lucy pulled him to one side.
“They do your laundry and you’ve named your dog
after the short nutty one?”
“Yes” Jonas smiled
Lucy tried to leave but Katie
slammed the door shut. She was carrying a large file and a pencil. She
gestured to Lucky that she should sit down and dragged Lucy with her
onto the sofa. Lucy found herself sandwiched between them, she
sincerely hoped that Jonas didn’t spend his Saturday evenings
like this.
“Take Lucky junior
for a walk Jonas, there’s a good lad” Katie told
him.
“No problem,
I’ll leave you ladies to get acquainted.” Jonas
blew them a kiss and made for the door.
As soon as he was out of
earshot Katie opened the file and handed Lucky a pair of latex gloves.
Lucy’s eyes widened in horror.
“No need to worry
Lucy…we just want to get to know you a little
better.”
Katie began to read out the
questions from her file. “Do you like children?”
“I’m far
too young to be thinking about having children” Lucy stammered
Katie eyed her suspiciously
“So I’ll make that a no then!”
“I didn’t
say I didn’t like them, just that I didn’t want
them” Lucy tried to wriggle free only for Lucky to pull her
back by the hair.
“Jonas wants a large family…11 children
minimum…if you don’t like children then your
relationship is off to a shaky start young lady” Katie
chastised her.
“I do want
children…” Lucy tried to explain“So you were lying
to us just now when you said you didn’t?” Katie
tutted and shook her head ticking the deceitful box.
Lucy screamed as Lucky pulled a hair from the back of her head.
“What the hell are you doing?” she shouted as Lucky
placed the hair carefully in an envelope.
“DNA
testing” Katie explained. “One can never be too
careful”
Lucy managed to scramble free.
“You’re both bloody nut jobs. I’m getting
out of here right now.”
“You’ve
got quite a temper there little missy” Katie remarked tucking
the file underneath the chair.
“No I do not,
I’m a very calm person. But you two would try the patience of
a saint.” Lucy grabbed her bag and prepared to leave just as
Lucky used the pencil to stab her in the cheek.
Instinctively Lucy swung round and punched Lucky in the face catching
her squarely on the jaw, rendering her unconscious. Just at that moment
Jonas arrived.
“Lucy” he
cried running to Lucky’s aid. “How could you, they
invited you into their home, they cooked food for you, granted it would
have been inedible, but still they tried. They’ve been asking
you about yourself, doing everything they can to make you feel welcome
and you go and bloody deck Lucky!
Lucy couldn’t
believe her ears. “Jonas, they’re insane and
they’ve managed to drag you into their insane little world.
Cant you see that?”
Jonas looked at Lucy with
tears in his eyes. “I think you should go Lucy. Katie and I
need to take care of Lucky”
Lucky opened one eye and
smiled.
Jonas raised his hand
“That is not an invitation to lick me, Lucky”
Lucky frowned.
Lucy ran out of the house as
fast as she could. It was too late to save Jonas, but she could save
herself.
Jonas sighed and fell back
onto the sofa. Katie and Lucky joined him snuggling up either side of
him.
“There are plenty of
other fish in the sea Jonas.” Katie attempted to cheer him up.
“What I’d
really like is to just put a film on and have a beer.”
“Great”
smiled Lucky…”I have just the thing, I keep them
upstairs under the bed.”
Jonas grabbed her arm
“I don’t think so Lucky, and anyway I’ve
already seen them. They're on youtube. I can see how they helped you to
pay your way through college but you really shouldn’t be
showing them on the internet.”
“The
Internet??” Lucky glared at Katie
“Youtube?”
Katie was puzzled
“(((Mrs
Depp)))” they both said
“You’ll
have to speak with her Lucky?” “I will not. You
speak with her? I’m not giving her another excuse to use the
rubber truncheon on me” Lucky’s nervous tick
returned just thinking about it.
Jonas interrupted them ..
“Why don’t we watch….”
Lucky bounced up and down
“Please, please, please say we can?”
“No way Lucky,
it’ll be the third time this week.” Katie pleaded
with her.
“Ok but
we’re not singing along this time.” Jonas tried to
negotiate
Lucky’s lower lip
trembled
“Awww please don’t cry again
Lucky….ok….. OK….. we’ll
sing along. Katie, put it on.”
They opened some cans and the
girls put their arms through Jonas’. He kissed them both on
the head and was about to press play…Katie - Do we go on 3?
Jonas - We normally do it on 2.
Lucky
- It goes 1, 2...then we start.
Jonas
- I’m sure it’s 1...and we come in on 2
Katie
- No, No, it’s 1.…2.….and on 3 we start
Lucky
- 1.……2.……3
Jonas pressed play......
The Hills Are Alive With The
Sound Of Music....
Part 4
Katie let herself into the house and let the shopping bags drop to the
floor. She shouted for Lucky and Jonas but nobody answered. They must
be out she thought and started up the stairs with the Christmas
presents. She had to hide them quickly or Lucky would get over-excited
again. Honestly it was like having a five year old in the house.
The
sight of Lucky and Jonas lying on the bed startled her to say the
least. She was about to get the stun gun when Jonas signalled to her
that it was ok. Luckys tear stained face gazed up at her.
“What’s the matter babes?” Katie asked
concerned.
“Don’t
pretend you don’t know” screeched Lucky, tears
falling over her cheeks as she clung onto Jonas digging her fingers
into his back and chest.
Jonas
was gasping for air and trying to stop Luckys hands from wandering at
the same time. Even when she was distressed she still
couldn’t help herself, it was like her hands were possessed.
Lucky
finally let him go but only briefly while she flung the top at Katie
who was hit full in the face by a raggedy old Man United shirt.
Katie’s heart sank.
“Explain
that?” wailed Lucky as Jonas shrugged and went back to
grappling with Luckys wandering hands.
Katie
went on the defensive “What were the two of you doing going
through my personal belongings. This was in the bottom of my
wardrobe.”
“Lucky
was bored, so we were searching for your diary” Jonas tried
to explain.
“My
diary???? How could you?” Katie was furious.
“We
were only going to read bits of it Katie…just the parts
about me.” Jonas smiled. But seeing Katie’s stern
expression he added “We didn’t find it so
all’s ok, right?”
“Don’t
you try and turn this round on us Katie…you..you..you Man U
Groupie you!” Lucky shouted at her trying to deflect
attention away from Jonas’ confession. She glared at
Jonas…foolish, foolish boy!
Katie
tried hard not to laugh. “Oh Lucky darling, please
don’t be like this. It was a long time ago, it meant nothing
to me. It was a brief dalliance…..a
fling……nothing more. It was long before I met
you.”
Lucky
was crying hysterically by this point and every sentence was punctuated
by sobs…..”I need to know
Katie……*sob*…….how long did
it go on for?”
Katie
was still trying to contain her laughter and Jonas was rolling his eyes
while holding Luckys hands at arms length. “Don’t
do this to yourself Lucky. Don’t torture yourself this way.
They meant nothing to me.”
Luckys
face went a funny puce colour and for a moment Jonas thought her head
might start spinning and he backed away expecting the projectile
vomiting to start any minute. “HOW LONG????” she
screeched.
“A
few months” replied Katie softly in a bid to lessen the pain.
“Did
you……*sob* Did you…..*sob* have their
picture on your wall?”
Katie
hung her head in shame “Yes, but only for about a week. Blu
tack isn’t very good.”
Lucky
took a sharp intake of breath “Did you ever go to a
match?” Her eyes were brimming with tears but the hysteria
seemed to have passed.
“No,
I promise” Katie answered crossing her fingers behind her
back.
Jonas
made the fatal mistake of letting one of Luckys hands go. It wrapped
itself around his neck and pulled him close to her chest. Lucky ignored
his gasps for air and Katie could do nothing but stand helplessly by.
“Please Lucky…you’re suffocating
him.”
“Oh sorry about that” Lucky released him from her
grip and slapped him round the back of the head. “This is all
your fault Armstrong, you and your beloved Man U.”
Jonas
thought this mightily unfair but thought it best not to argue with
Lucky while she was still that funny colour.
“This
dalliance? You promise that it’s all over now? You
don’t still think about them, you don’t ever
compare them to Celtic?”
“Of
course not” replied Katie still crossing her fingers tightly.
“I don’t give them a second thought
anymore”
Jonas
was done with all this nonsense. He pulled out an envelope from his
back pocket and dug out a parcel from underneath the bed. Handing them
to Lucky and Katie he started to explain
“Because I’m going home for Christmas and wont be
able to spend it with you both I’ve bought you a little
present. This should put an end to all this Man U rubbish.”
They
unwrapped the parcel and opened the envelope. Lucky fell to her knees
in horror. Katie pulled her back up again. “Don’t
be ungrateful Lucky” she spat. “Jonas has gone to
so much trouble”.
“I
knew you were crossing your fingers behind your back. You’re
secretly pleased with this arn’t you” Lucky spat
back.
“Stop
all this NOW!” screamed Jonas. “All this irrational
hatred of one football team isn’t right. You’ve got
to at least try to understand why I love them so much.”“Why?”
asked Lucky baffled.
Katie
pinched Luckys arm hard. “You’re right of course
Jonas. We really should at least try to understand and support you in
this.”
“I’m not sure I can” said Lucky.
“Taking the piss out of Man U is kind of like a national
past-time where I come from.”
Katie
nodded in agreement. “But we’ll try for you Jonas,
wont we Lucky?” She prodded Lucky in the back and Lucky
reluctantly nodded her head “I’m promising
nothing” she muttered.
“Thank
you girls. I appreciate it.” Jonas smiled.
“Hang
on a minute…what did you mean by you cant spend Christmas
with us?” Lucky asked.
“I’m
going home to my family for Christmas Lucky” Jonas explained.
“Maybe if you weren’t so rude about your brother
and sisters in your updates they’d let you go home
too.”
Lucky huffed and poked her
tongue out. “Hang on another minute” she looked at
Katie “I thought he was dropped at the doors of Rada by
Angels. There was no mention of a family.”
Katie
rolled her eyes and sighed “It was a figure of speech Lucky
“And why aren’t they doing his
laund..”
Katie
hit Lucky over the head with a stool knocking her unconscious in the
process. “That will give us a bit of peace for half
hour” she smiled at Jonas.
“Phew,
I thought I was gonna have to chop her hands off” Jonas
sighed with relief.
“One
thing Katie….I’ve been meaning to ask this for a
while now. How come Lucky takes the piss out of my being English?
Doesn’t she realise I didn’t move here until I was
six which technically means I’m Irish?”
“Oh
she knows alright Jonas. But if she takes the piss out of the Irish her
Mother would kill her while she slept. So for the purposes of the Lucky
and Katie stories you remain English .. Ok?”
Jonas
nodded. The longer these stories went on the more everything became
clear.
Lucky
came round a few hours later mainly due to the cushion Jonas had thrown
at her….her head was throbbing. “Pass us another
can Lucky?” Jonas gave her his most winning smile.
“Could you get it yourself Jonas, they’re just by
your feet? I think I may be slightly concussed” Lucky croaked.
“I’m
just so tired Lucky, I can barely move” Jonas whined flashing
his winning smile once again.
Lucky
resisted the urge to smack him in the mouth. “Maybe you
should see a doctor, you shouldn’t be this tired, not when
you didn’t get out of bed until midday?” Lucky
passed him a can from the box at his feet.
Jonas
shrugged “This acting lark really takes it out of a
guy”
“So
you don’t think it had anything to do with you sinking 8
pints last night?”
Just
then Katie arrived carrying a large Boots carrier bag. “Katie
why did you go back out again, it’s snowing and
there’s no bus service. You must have walked 3
miles?”
“Jonas
needed a few things, foot rub, poor guy’s suffering, she
mouthed at Lucky”
“Must
be all that walking back and fore to the bar” Lucky huffed.
“About that Lucky, could you drive me there tonight, I
don’t want to be walking in this weather. And if you could
pick me up about 11 that would be great?”
Lucky
fell to her knees and started to hyperventilate
“He…he…he’s starting to sound
like my husband.”
Katie
handed her a paper bag and settled down to give Jonas his foot rub.
“Lucky?
Another can Love?” Jonas mouthed at her. Lucky struggled up
off the floor, still blowing into the paper bag as the panic attack
worsened.
“Could
you iron a shirt for me while you’re up Lucky?”
“But
cant….”
“Katie
cant do it Lucky, she’s busy” Jonas admonished her
waving his foot in Katie’s face as if to prove his point.
“I meant yo…” Lucky didn’t
bother to finish the sentence. There was just no point. She got the
ironing board out.
“I
really don’t like ironing, I had to do my brothers for a long
time and I hated it.”
“You
did your brothers ironing???” Katie said in disbelief
Lucky
nodded “Until I was 25.”
“My
God Lucky, the longer these stories go on the clearer everything
becomes.” Katie echoed Jonas’ earlier sentiments.
“And
I doubt you ever kidnapped your brother and handcuffed him to a
bed” Jonas reminded her worried she’d decide to
stop ironing his shirt.
“No, but my brother did spend a lot of time in
handcuffs.”
“Good
grief Lucky, so that’s why you drive like the police are
chasing you.” Katie shook her head again.
Lucky
pondered all of this as she cleaned Jonas’ room, picked up
his dirty laundry, put the toilet seat down, put the milk back in the
fridge and cleaned the bath after him.
Lucky
and Katie were exhausted by the time they settled down to watch the
last episode of Robin Hood. Jonas bounced into the room full of the
joys of spring “I’m ready Lucky, can we leave a bit
earlier?”
Lucky
pretended not to hear him, Katie turned the volume up. “The
lift Lucky? Remember?”
“Robin
Hood’s on” snapped Lucky.
“Sssssh”
Jonas
smiled “But you’ve got Robin Hood living with YOU.
You don’t need to watch him on the telly and with that he
took the remote and turned the TV off.
Katie
turned a particularly nasty shade of purple and Lucky began to
hyperventilate again.
“Make
him stop Katie, p…p….p…lease make him
stop” spluttered Lucky
“Jesus”
Jonas said switching the TV back on. “Ok, I’ll
walk” and he stomped out of the house.
Katie
turned to face Lucky “You know what we need?”
“Eli”
Lucky squealed.
“I
think he’s too far gone for even Eli to sort out”
Katie looked resigned. “What we need is a
…”
“hitman” Lucky suggested
“No
Lucky and if you don’t mind my saying so, this violent streak
of yours is very unattractive.”
Katie
tried again “What we need is a
………. teenager!”
“Ohh
pure genius Katie…and one with a brother” Lucky
was nodding enthusiastically.
“We
need Jamme” Lucky said
“How
can you think of food at a time like this Lucky”
“Not
J A M, Jamme…Rachel4Jonas” Lucky rolled her eyes
“Well
I still think that’s a peculiar nickname for her Lucky,
especially as her original username wasn’t Jamme, it was
Iamme. If you weren’t so vain and wore your specs more often
you’d have spotted that!”
“Whatever” Lucky sighed. “We need her,
call her now”
Katie
did just that…“She’ll be here in an
hour” Katie smiled
“But
I thought she lived in Dublin?” Lucky was puzzled.
Katie
took her hand and spoke very slowly “She does, but for the
purposes of this story she lives in Edinburgh ok?”
“Ahhhh
I see, no need to tell me twice” Lucky nudged a very weary
Katie
Less
than 30 mnts later Rachel was striding into Katie’s lounge
sharpening a pencil as she surveyed her surroundings.Lucky found this slightly
alarming.
Rachel
tossed the sharpener over her shoulder and rested her hands on her hips
adopting a very aggressive stance in Katie’s opinion.
“I knew you would call” Rachel said quietly and
with more than a hint of the Godfather about her. “We have
much to do and very little time…I’m on an 11.30
curfew”
Katie
raised an eyebrow.
Rachel
raised the pencil…that was all the explanation Katie and
Lucky needed.
“Where
is he?” Rachel pointed at Lucky “That question is
for you.”
Lucky
was a little perturbed. “Excuse me but that’s
rather rude”
Rachel
silenced her with a wave of the sharpened pencil
“You
need my help and there is little time for pleasantries, for the next
hour you will only speak when spoken too. "Is that understood?" Lucky
nodded, Katie saluted, Rachel pulled a screwdriver out of her back
pocket.
Lucky
panicked, pushed Katie into the line of fire and dived behind the sofa.
Rachel
rolled her eyes.
“I’ve
already started, I’ve put your door number upside down.
He’ll be rat-arsed by the time he leaves the pub. This is the
perfect start to messing with his head.”
Katie
and Lucky looked on in awe.
Lucky
raised her hand apologetically
Rachel
nodded her head “You may speak”
“Actually I did rather promise that I’d pick him
up”
“And
you shall tell him that you did. You shall tell him that you were at
the Nags Head waiting for him.”
Katie raised her hand
“But he’s gone to the Red Lion”
Rachel
poked her in the arm with the pencil. “Did I say you could
speak?”
“Ouch,
bloody hell”
Rachel
poked her again.
Lucky
put her hand over Katie’s mouth.
“Start
the confusion early ladies, by the end of the week you will have him
convinced he’s losing his mind.”
Katie
started to take notes.
“If only I’d known this earlier, I could have made
my brothers life hell. All those wasted years.” Lucky thought
sadly.
“Lets
get up to speed” Rachel began to pace up and down the room.
“Have
you put itching powder in his underpants?”
Lucky
and Katie shook their heads
“Salt
in his tea?”
They
shook their heads again
“Immac
in his shampoo bottle?”
“Have you let the
dog wee in his shoes?”
“spiders in his bed?”
They
kept on coming thick and fast. Rachel didn’t even take a
breath.
< |
